In My Pants more than a game
by Inuyasha4eva
Summary: MattxMello-CRACK. It all began when Matt had something very odd popping out of the front of his pants and Mello decided to poke it. This begins an epic chase and the adventure only continues from there.


Whammy's house lay on the rim of the outskirts of town. Various children filled its walls, most scurrying about to their own devices. Some danced to the beat of their own drum. Some did so to the extreme, bopping their butts to a whacked-out beat that sounds like a remix of the waltz with the funky chicken. Mello could be considered one of these kinds of cool cats. Chocolate bar in hand, as he walks down the hall with that air of his.

Mello came upon Matt during his journey down the hall. A Cheshire smile found its way to his face. He slinked towards the ginger-haired boy and stood beside him. Matt appeared oblivious to his friends arrival, his fast fingers hitting various buttons on his handheld device. Mello leaned his head on the other boy's shoulder, the smile not leaving his face.

"Oh Matt…"

"I'm not in the mood, Mello…"

Mello frowned as he stood up flicking Matt's ear. The gamer merely rubbed his ear as he continued to play. Mello crossed his arms and his pout deepened. He eyed Matt. Matt's face showed no guilt for Mello's distress and disappointment. Ginger bastard....

"_Put your hand down my pants, and I'll bet you'll feel nuts_..." Near hummed as he walked out of a nearby room. Mello blanched. Matt simply looked up curiously. Plugged into Near's ears were some head-phones. It was somewhat uncharacteristic for the little guy, but perhaps it was a valiant attempt on Roger's part to make Near more _normal_.

Near not noticing the other two changed the song on his player. Mello was still completely off guard. What kind of shit was the little midget listening to? Did they have musical porn now or something? The blonde couldn't comprehend it. Matt went back to his game.

Then a chocobo popped out of the front of Matt's pants. Now there's a conversation starter, Mello thought staring at the yellow monstrosity. While this was happening, Near skipped down the hall singing "_It's Raining Men_". Matt played on, ignoring the strange new itch he just acquired.

"Um…Matt?"

"I said no Mello!" Matt furiously pushed the buttons faster. Mello could only stare. The thing was HUGE! How would you not notice that sitting in the front of your pants? Mello crouched down till he was balancing on the balls of his feet. He reached out to poke the beast.

Matt glanced down to see Mello's head hovering by his crotch. He quirked a brow, saved his game, and then took the time to blush. Unsure of what to do in this sort of situation, Matt did the first thing that came to mind. He pushed the blonde and watched as he toppled over. Then he ran. He ran fast.

He ran all the way to Roger's office, slamming the door behind him. "Help! Mello's after my golden, glorious..." Matt stopped, realizing Roger had decided to take tea time a little earlier than usual, and was not present in the room.

Mello could feel anger building up inside of him. What the hell was that? You poke some guy's chocobo and then he pushes you off to the wayside. This would not do. Mello scowled as he picked himself up from the ground. Where had the bird-keeper gone?

Matt pulled the chocobo out of his pants, cradling the thing against its chest. "There, there, little one. I won't let anything happen to you..." Matt looked around the office, desperately seeking a hiding spot.

Matt decided stuffing the innocent stupid stupid bird into the filing cabinet. He slammed it shut and then crawled under Roger's desk. He would wait there. He would wait until he knew all was well. He thought the bird would have been safe in his pants. But he now supposed, nobody's pants were safe from Mello's prodding hands.

Matt cowers under the desk, wincing when various people walk past the room as the bell for lunch rings. He shrinks farther under the desk as the door creaks open and somebody enters the room. Based on the heavy footfalls and huge sigh, Matt realizes Roger has come back from his tea. Roger sits at the desk, unaware an orphan is underneath it.

Mello continued stomping down the hall after Matt left. Where did that ginger-child go? Run away from him in terror, would he! Matt was his best friend. The kind of person that was meant to stand beside you, even when you poked the thing popping out of their pants.

"I'll get you my puppy...and you're little bird too"

Roger sets some things down upon his desk, opening the side drawer to pull out a pen. Gives a cry of fright, toppling over on his bum. Matt grabs the chocobo Roger dropped, running out of the room and pretending not to hear Roger scream his name in outrage.

Matt ran like a bat of hell. He then careened straight into Near. The two young boys found themselves slammed onto the floor, while the chocobo flew squawking. Near was now being crushed by Matt who was sprawled on top of him. When the chocobo landed rather unceremoniously, it straightened up and then scurried off. Mello walked into the section of the hallway to find Matt still straddling the albino.

Matt, too worried about his precious chicken, scurries off without an explanation. Near remains on the floor, headphones knocked out of his ears. Looks down at iPod, only to realize it was crushed under Matt's weight.

"That's very disappointing. I was listening to "_You's a Hoe_". Quite a catchy tune if you're in the right mood..." Near commented eyeing his poor player. Mello's eyes twitched. He walked to Near and snatched up the already broken iPod. He swung his arm back and then tossed the thing down the hall. With that done, Mello chased after Matt in hot pursuit.

Near watches the iPod's trajectory, unparsed as it fell to the ground. A smile passed over his face as he stood. "Well, I guess I'll just have to borrow Mello's boom box for now..." Meanwhile, Matt skidded to a halt as the chocobo entered the dining hall, coming dangerously close to being trampled on by the other students.

"Noooooo!" Matt dive-bombed for the little chickie-dee. The chocobo chirped and skittered under the closest table, narrowly avoiding being crushed under the foot of the careless students. Instead the foot fell on Matt's back as he lay on the floor.

"Oof! Geroff me! I have a chicken to catch!" Matt shoved the offending foot off, doing an army crawl under the tables.

Mello spun around the corner and stampeded the rest of the way through the cafeteria door. He spotted the signature black-and-red stripe shirt of Matt, disappear under the table. Now only Matt's pants and bare feet stuck out. Mello ran over and grabbed hold of Matt's ankles.

"No! Leopold is getting away!!!" Matt kicked his ankles vigorously, resembling a fish out of water as he struggled against his stronger friend. Matt grabbed hold of a table leg as Mello gave a particularly powerful tug.

Mello growing angrier grabbed the bottom of Matt's pant legs and pulled. The pants came flying off and Mello flew back, his ass hitting the ground hard. Matt took this opportunity to squirm the rest of the way under the table towards his frightened bird.

Matt seemed utterly unperturbed that he was only kept decent by a pair of Mario Brothers boxers. He crawled the rest of the way to his chocobo, clasping it victoriously.

"Gotcha!"

Mello stood up rubbing his bum. He held up Matt's pants and scoffed. Mello tossed the pants to the side and looked around the cafeteria. He caught sight of Matt coming out form underneath the table. Matt's face was pressed up against the little bird, his fingers stroking the soft feathers of the creature. Mello glowered. The only glorious golden cock Matt should be stroking was his own.

Matt continued affectionately stroking the chocobo, unaware of the ominous presence looming behind him.

Mello shot his arms forward from behind Matt. The red-head was startled as Mello took hold of him. His body was pulled close to Mello's. The blonde lowered his head and whispered furiously into Matt's ear.

"Drop the bird..."

"After all the trouble I went through to retrieve him?! No way!" Matt struggled against Mello's hold, as loud music began to fill the cafeteria. Both boys turned their heads to hear the source of the noise, and saw Near standing with Mello's boom box propped on one shoulder. "_Get hit with the, BOOM BOOM!"_

"HEY! That's my boom-box you twit!" Mello roared releasing Matt as he made his way to Near.

Matt, sensing an opportunity for escape, runs out the nearest door. Near stares at Mello as the blonde angrily yanks the boom box away.

"Was that entirely necessary?" Near asks bored. Mello suppresses the urge to hit Near upside the head with the boom box in his hand. The temptation to do so was almost too much.

"Yes, it was necessary! Who gave you permission to touch my shit?!" Mello railed angrily, stomping his foot. Near offered no response, his silence only adding to Mello's anger.

"Matt got away..." Near commented, turning the attention away from him. If Mello's attention was elsewhere, it would give him time to escape. Near wasn't sacred of Mello. He just didn't feel like being pummeled by the feminine-like blonde any time soon.

Mello whirled on the spot, a string of obscenities flying from his mouth. He placed the boom box on the nearest table; turning off the rap music Near had oddly chosen to listen to. Near left the cafeteria as Mello streaked off after Matt.

"MATT!!! Where are you?" Mello yelled as he barreled down the hallway like a ghastly ogre. Matt hit in a closet he had found in the hall. It was cramped and very uncomfortable, but it was alright for now. It was filled with sheets, so it smelt like fresh laundry. He decided it was most likely what "clean" smelled like.

Matt took in his surroundings, grabbing a nearby sheet with one hand and tossing it over himself like a ghost. Sat in the quiet, safe from Mello, until the chocobo squawked.

Mello grinned evilly. Matt was in for it now. Mello crept down to the linen closet. His hand gripped the door-knob and he turned it agonizingly slow. He opened the door and looked down at Matt. He cackled evilly as he leaned down and gripped Matt's shoulders.

Matt gave a squeak of fright, unable to see anything under sheet. He clutched the chocobo for dear life, fearing what would happen next.

Mello lifted the sheet. His eyes boring into Matt's soul. The blonde leaned down. His face inches away from Matt's. The gamer gulped. He was done for. He saw his short existence flash before his eyes.

"Oh Matt...you should have just played with me from the very beginning, "Mello purred leaning closer.

Matt sprung up clutching his chest. It was very dark. The only thing lighting his room was the glow of his television screen. Sweat dripped from various parts of his body. His heart was racing a mile a minute. Matt felt around with one of his hands and gripped something soft. He pulled his beloved chocobo plushie up beside him. Finally, his breathing came back to normal. He moved the sheets and looked at himself before commenting.

"That was the weirdest wet dream I've ever had..."

Weirddreamsweirddreamsweirddreams.

_**I hoped you enjoyed this wonderfully zany joint-story written by my beloved best friend biawutnow and me. She was feeling blue, so I thought a little crack would make her high on life again. XD If you enjoyed the story as much as we enjoyed working on it together, please review!**_


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